Bad Stock(ings)

I’ve been looking online for a good set of leggings. It’s not because I’m in dire need of leggings (who is, really?), but because the ones I’ve been finding lately are entertaining. And ridiculous.

Naturally, that means I have become a little preoccupied.

Okay folks, I’m just going to lay it out for you.  Bad leggings are like this:


You might think it’s cute, but it’s really just cheap and a little demeaning. It also makes people laugh, but not with you. At you.

Perusing eBay is sort of a lost art for me. I decided to use my interest in leggings and whatnot to revive my search and destroy skills.

Now I will admit- I like these. I think they are geeky chic. But there is a certain point where age can play this game for you. “Why Stella, your varicose veins pull off that effect for you without the investment or concern about runs in your stockings.” Trust me, the majority of women are not looking to add to this vision of biology inside and out.

This isn’t classy. This isn’t cute. This looks like you were too cheap and lazy to buy a garter belt, but want the attention for being oh–so-classy-chic.


The next pair of stockings simply look like a 1st grader got his or her hands on them.


True blue, cute emo forever.

The next set confuse me. They all out confuse me. I don’t understand the style. It doesn’t seem to have any function. They look like bird beaks. The title of this eBay find was “Open Laugh”. Somehow that adds a level of “Disturbing” to this fashion.

Vs the next set. This has function. The function is “don’t mess with me or your groin will be tenderized”.

Princess is armed and less than well-matched.


This can bring about any number of bad jokes. “Your ass is as expansive as the cosmos.” “Your rear is simply out of this world.”


And then this? This is just inappropriate.




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